Sparks of Love Page 13

  I knocked on the door.

  A moment later, the door opened.

  Blaze was in a tight, short pair of shorts and a tank top, no bra, and her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. She looked ready for bed.

  “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out with the guys or something, celebrating? That was a helluva a game, Cala….”

  I leaned down and captured her mouth with my own, unwilling to keep listening to her talk about something that wasn’t me stripping her naked and throwing her on the nearest flat surface.

  “I want to celebrate with you.”

  She blinked at me. “I was just about to go to bed.”

  “That’s perfect.”

  “You look happy.” She chuckled, stepping aside for me to enter.

  It was a small place, but it was all her. She was neat, but there was clutter everywhere.

  “Tonight was great. I didn’t feel at odds with anyone. And it was just good to play again. I even had fun. Baseball should be fun.”

  “Yeah, it should.” She chuckled and nodded. “I like you like this. You’re like a golden retriever.”

  “You were at the game tonight.”

  Her eyes widened a little. She didn’t want me to know that she was there. That’s why she was up in the nosebleeds.

  “I, uh, didn’t know you saw me.”

  “Were you hiding from me?”

  “No, I just… I don’t know. I didn’t figure you would want anyone to know about me. I’m not sure I want anyone to know about us.”

  “Why not?” I would’ve put her behind the dugout. Preferably in the dugout, so I could touch her during the game, but the coach would never allow that.

  “You were my client. And now we’re fucking. A lot of the team know who I am, Jason.”

  “I know. But fuck them. It wasn’t like that. I’ll punch anyone who says otherwise.”

  She sighed. “Let’s not worry about it. We can come out to the team another time. It’s not like it’s going to matter for much longer.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Jason, you were amazing tonight. You were flawless. They’re not going to keep you here in the Minors for much longer. They’d be crazy stupid to do that.”

  I didn’t want to talk about the Majors or my talent. I wanted to wipe away the sadness in her eyes. She was upset, and I wanted to make her feel better. I wanted to celebrate.

  I took a few steps closer to her. “I can go.”

  She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, like a knee jerk response.

  “Say it.”

  She reached out and snagged my shirt, pulling me to her. “Don’t you dare.”

  Then she was back with me in the moment, just where I wanted her. I didn’t want to ruin her career. I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted her to be mine, but I hadn’t a clue how to do that.

  12

  Blaze

  Jason woke me early for a quick round before he had to go to practice. I laid in bed for a while after he left, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. I had to stop doing this to myself. I went to the game last night to watch him play, and it was a thing of beauty. He was playing better than I’d ever seen him, and he looked lighter, like he was having fun. He usually looked so serious.

  I swore he’d been checking the stands. I figured he was looking for scouts, but when he spotted me at the end of the game, it was clear he’d been looking for me. But why? He didn’t have a reason to know I would be there. Did he hope I was?

  Why was I so glad he was looking for me?

  Tomorrow was the 4th of July game, always my favorite. My mom and I, no matter what was going on, would go to the 4th of July game. We’d stay and watch the fireworks from the field. I had tickets long before I met Jason in that bar.

  But now I had second thoughts about going at all.

  My phone buzzed from the end table.

  Allison: How are things going between you and Jason?

  Blaze: Fine.

  Allison: The honeymoon over?

  Blaze: There was never going to be a honeymoon. He’s going to head to Omaha any day now.

  Allison: So?

  Blaze: It would be stupid to get attached now, wouldn’t it?

  Allison: Too bad you ready have, huh?

  Blaze: That would be even more stupid.

  Allison: You okay, B? You sound pretty upset.

  Blaze: I’m just stupid.

  Allison: You love him?

  Blaze: I have to break up with him.

  That was stupid. He would never put me above baseball.

  Allison: Um, why?

  Blaze: Why did he have to be so wonderful?!

  Allison: You deserve wonderful. Go to Omaha!

  Blaze: I can’t pick up my life and move for a guy.

  Allison: Then do it for yourself.

  Blaze: You still coming to the 4th of July game with me?

  Allison: Do you still have two extra tickets?

  Blaze: Yeah. You have someone you want to invite?

  Allison: Theo. He’s been a good friend.

  Blaze: Sounds good.

  Allison: Who’s going to take the other ticket?

  Blaze: I have an idea about that.

  Jason called after practice, but I didn’t answer. I spent most of my time at the office—updating charts, cleaning everything. When I ran out of things to do to avoid Jason, I headed home.

  I shouldn’t have been, but I was surprised to find Jason sitting in the hall next to my door. He grinned and stood when he saw me coming down the hall.

  “It’s late,” I said. My stomach was twisted with nerves, my palms were sweaty, and I couldn’t seem to get a full breath of air.

  “You’ve been MIA all day.”

  “Sorry. I just had a lot to do at work.”

  “It’s okay.” He leaned down to kiss me, and I pulled away before he made contact. Quickly unlocking my door, I went inside. I could hear him moving behind me, closing the door.

  “What’s going on, Blaze?”

  “Jason, it’s time to call off our relationship… or whatever it is.”

  “What? Why?”

  I couldn’t look at him. I would lose my ability to lie to him.

  “You’re going to Omaha, aren’t you?”

  Jason was quiet for a moment. I turned around, and the guilt was all over his face.

  “After tomorrow’s game. The team is on the road back to Omaha for their 4th of July game.”

  “That’s really fantastic, Jason. Congratulations.”

  “Blaze, it’s not… it doesn’t have to be the end.”

  I gave him a get-real expression. “You’re going to be on the road for the rest of the summer and training your ass off. You’re going to be pro. And you’re going to want to focus all of your energy on that.”

  “That doesn’t mean…”

  “Yes, it does.”

  He set down the brown paper bag he’d been holding, raked his hand through his hair, and started to pace.

  “I’m not ready to walk away from this.”

  “You are. It’s your dream. You’re going to the Majors.”

  “Why do you seem utterly cool about this?” he snarled.

  Now he was mad at me?

  “I wouldn’t say I’m utterly cool. But it’s the right thing to do.”

  “What do you want?”

  I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “The hell it doesn’t. I know what I want. It’s you.”

  “You want baseball, and in a distant second, you want me. Maybe. But I think it’s just the good sex.”

  “Good?”

  “Mind-blowing sex.”

  “I thought that would make me feel better, but it doesn’t.”

  “You know I’m right.”

  “Actually, Blaze, I’m not sure I do. But right now, I need to clear my head. I brought you dinner.” He stormed out of my apartment, slamming the door behind him.

  I slum
ped down in the chair I was closest to. After a while, I could smell the food wafting from the bag. He’d made something for me. It wasn’t something he picked up, and that made me feel even worse.

  I knew I was doing the right thing. But then why did it feel like this?

  13

  Jason

  The ceiling fan didn’t hold any magical answers. I knew Blaze was making some sense—we hadn’t been together that long, she had a life here, I had a life wherever baseball took me—but there was no reason why we couldn’t compromise.

  But then what? Long distance relationship? Get married? Have kids? I had to get on a bus tomorrow night after the game. One way or another, I was going to have to say goodbye to her.

  That thought made my entire body feel like a rod of tension. I had just found a way to be happy, to have my cake and eat it too. But after last night, I questioned whether she had the same strong feelings for me that I had for her. Maybe she wanted it to end because she really didn’t like me as much as I thought she did.

  All those things rolling around in my head weren’t getting me anywhere. I didn’t talk a lot, but there were times growing up when it was good to talk to other people—like a friend. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a friend. Then it came to me. Since high school graduation when Eddie and I separated to go to college, I really didn’t have any friends right now, aside from Blaze. I was planning on making them when I got to the Majors. That’s when relationships would matter.

  God, I was a fucking idiot.

  Inviting Blaze into my life had done one thing and one thing only. Made it completely clear to me I’d made myself an island. And if I lost baseball, then what did I have? This was a bad plan.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket. My list of contacts was severely outdated and wasn’t very big to begin with. I cruised past Blaze’s name. Part of me wished I could call her, but it was her I needed clarity on.

  Juarez was in my phone. We had exchanged numbers when his car broke down in April, and he asked if I could swing by and pick him up for practice a few times.

  I knew I was probably asking for a big punch in the nose, but I texted him.

  Jason: Hey, man, any chance you’re up for a beer?

  I tossed my phone on the bed and stared at the ceiling again, hoping there would be answers up there this time. I didn’t expect to hear from Juarez at all, but my phone chirped.

  Juarez: Sure. Weather the Storm?

  Jason: 10 minutes?

  Juarez: First round is on you.

  By the time I got to the bar, it was past eleven o’clock. Juarez was already at the bar, talking up Margot.

  Or maybe they were just talking.

  I popped onto the stool next to him, and he slid a beer over to me.

  “You get the next one.”

  “Thanks.” I glanced up at the bartender. “Hi, Margot.”

  “Hey. I’ll check on you guys in a few.” She sauntered away to another customer.

  Juarez twisted on his stool to look at me. “You going to tell me what’s going on?”

  “Not to be lame, but I don’t really have any friends.”

  Juarez chuckled.

  “That’s funny?”

  “No, it’s fucking true. You stink at making friends.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “Fuck, man, you’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”

  “Not really. You’re an asshole and have a fuck-ton of talent. It’s fucking disgusting how talented you are.”

  I was surprised by this turn of conversation.

  “The whole team is talented.”

  “Wow, a month ago, you would’ve said some asshole thing about being the whole team. You’re different. I thought maybe you were just trying to prove something the way you played, but you were acting so different. Quiet, humble even. Not at all like Jason Calaveras, superstar.”

  “I’m sorry for being such a dick. I got too wrapped up in what my future was supposed to look like.”

  “You’re twenty-two. I know baseball is a big fucking deal. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here working my ass off in bumsville, Nebraska. But there are other things to life.”

  “Yeah, I think I figured that out.”

  “It’s a girl, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, I’m a fucking cliché.” I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “I think she’s trying to break up with me before I even get called up, and I don’t want to lose her.”

  “How long you been with this girl?”

  “Not long, but I’m not sure that matters to me.”

  “You want to ask her to go with you.” Juarez’s tone grew grim.

  “I’m a fucking idiot, right?”

  “No.” Juarez shook his head. “You know I’m married, right?”

  My brow furrowed. “You’re married? No, I guess I didn’t know that.”

  “You and I aren’t so different, Calaveras. I keep to myself too.”

  “Where is she?”

  “At home. She comes to visit every other weekend. Once I get a contract with the Majors, we’ll be back to living in the same city.”

  “Wow. Does it drive you crazy being so far away from her?”

  “Yeah, we were high school sweethearts.”

  “Is she cool with your situation?”

  “She hates it, and she’s less patient than I am. She wants me to go to the Majors or quit baseball, go home, and get a job in her father’s business.”

  I cringed. “That sounds terrible.”

  “Pretty much. But I can’t blame her. She wants to start a family. I do too. I want to give her the life she deserves. She’s done nothing but support me. She’s going to night school and working her ass off. I want my break so I can afford to let her follow her dreams for once.”

  “She sounds pretty awesome.”

  “She’s the best. We’ve known each other since we were kids. We were best friends. Who is your woman?”

  “Her name is Blaze.”

  “Oh, fuck. Not Blaze Whitfield.”

  “You know her?”

  “Most of the guys do. How did you not know that? She’s great. How the hell did you con her into dating you?”

  “Ha, ha.” I finished off my beer and flagged down Margot to bring another round. She nodded and gestured she’d be back around in a minute. “I didn’t know who she was when I met her… here, actually. That night you all told me you thought I was an obnoxious pain in the ass.”

  Juarez chuckled. “She turn your world upside down or something? Is that why I’m here?”

  “I’m terrible at making friends and even more terrible with women. I think she basically broke up with me. I don’t get why.”

  “I’ve only met her a couple of times. She’s very professional. She must really like you if she let you in even if she was treating you. I know other guys have asked her out.”

  That instantly pissed me off. What the fuck?! I knew I was a hypocrite, but I didn’t give a shit. She was mine.

  Juarez shook his head. “Oh, dude, you’re totally fucked. You love her, don’t you?”

  I raked my hand through my hair. Of course, I did. That’s why everything felt upside down. How the fuck did I get there? I wasn’t even looking for it.

  “Don’t let her push you away. If you really want to be with her, make it work.”

  “That simple, huh?”

  “There was a time when Tina and I were going to break up. In fact, she broke up with me and started dating other dudes, but I couldn’t let her go. So, I got in her face and pushed the dudes out of the way until she heard me out. I proposed to her, and that was that.”

  “I can’t propose to Blaze, we’ve only been dating a few weeks.”

  Juarez’s gaze met mine. “You realize you didn’t argue that you weren’t ready for marriage or you didn’t want to marry her. I think you’ve got it bad, dude. Now the question is, does she?”

  I didn’t call Blaze. I went to the stadium early to warm up, run, and clear my head.
Juarez had a good point—the idea of marrying Blaze didn’t send me running—but it all felt like too much too soon.

  Blaze was giving in to her family’s expectations. It drove me crazy. I wasn’t sure how to convince her to tell them to shove it up their ass. She needed to find that strength on her own.

  I headed into the locker room, set everything down, and sat down on the bench.

  “Calaveras.”

  I turned on the bench to find Coach Walt coming toward me. He had his killjoy old man expression on as he did every day.

  “What’s up, Coach?”

  “I’ve got some good news for you, son.”

  I stood up. “Yeah?”

  “You’re taking Juarez with you to Omaha.”

  I grinned.

  “You should check out who the Meadowlarks are playing your first game. Wipe that smug smile right off your faces.” Coach crossed his arms. “You okay, son?”

  I sat down. “Uh, yeah, I’m just a little…”

  “Whatever happened to you while you were out of this place, it did you some good, kid. You’re playing better than ever. And you really helped Juarez shine too. I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Coach. Thank you for helping me.”

  “You look like you have something on your mind.”

  “You wanted me to find something more than baseball, and I did. But now I don’t know how to keep both.”

  Coach sighed. “It’s an age-old problem, son. I do know one thing. You’ll figure out which one you can’t truly live without.”

  That’s what I was afraid of.

  After my workout, I got back to the locker room.

  It was full of the rest of the players.

  Juarez stepped up to me. “I heard congratulations are in order, Calaveras?”

  I grinned. “You’re right. Congratulations, man!” I clapped him on the back.

  He laughed and pulled me into a hug. “Congratulations to you, man.”

  It was a little weird, but everyone was giving us congratulations, then the teasing started. By the time we were outside, warming up, everyone had their head in the game. The sun was still up, but it would be going down soon—nothing like a hot summer night for some good baseball. The fireworks would be after the show. I was excited and dreading seeing Blaze.